wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
