She's JV to your varsity
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
