Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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