Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
