Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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