I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
