an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
