I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
