I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
