dude i'm inner monologue high
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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