I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
