Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize