went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
