I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
