you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
