took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
