was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
