Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We have so much sex to catch up on
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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