I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
