i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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