My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
