Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
