i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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