I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
