How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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