He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
