Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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