I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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