You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
