Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
