My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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