i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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