Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
