Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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