I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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