every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
