When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
