Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
