girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
