Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
