We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
