from now on my penis is your penis
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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