you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
