there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
