i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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