THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
