A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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