My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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