he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
