no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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