I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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