I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
