Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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