I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
