After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
