Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
