Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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