Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
