There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
