i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
