My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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