my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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