It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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