he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
