The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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