I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
