i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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