you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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