I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need to align my fucking chakras
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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