Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
