literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
