No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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